The Short, Unedited Beginning To A Story That I Really Need Some Feedback On: Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You

Okay, so I started this new story and I’m really not sure about it. (I have more than this, but I decided to only post the first chapter for now.) I’m still debating whether to make it a long story, a short story, or even continue it. Need feedback. Like, now. 

 

Princess

A Story by Emma

Chapter One:

Once Upon A Time

Do you feel it?

The magic?

Do you see shadows lurking even in light, feel the hot breath of fear on the back of your neck? Can you hear the cry of the dead in the back of your mind? Do you dream of dark creatures and wild places and things unseen? Do you get the strange feeling that when you are alone, someone is watching you?

If so—you are in danger.

I should know. That’s why I’m writing this, huddled at my desk with only a stub of a candle for light. The grandfather clock in the great hall has just chimed eleven, and in one short hour I will leave this world forever. For me, time has already run out, and long ago I was cast into the inferno.

You can still be saved.

I must make my introduction brief, so I will say only this: You have no doubt heard faerie tales before—bedtime stories of knights in shining armor and beautiful princesses and witches’ spells. They are no doubt pleasant. But they are nothing compared to the real thing—the story I am about to tell.

To be sure, the two have similarities. The princes in many faerie tales and also in this one go off on dangerous quests, winning the love of a fair maiden along the way. The princesses are in danger.

But in this story—my story—those princesses are never saved. And what threatens them is not a fire-breathing dragon or a terrible curse, but something far worse. Because while their brothers and suitors are off somewhere on adventures, they aren’t just sitting quietly at home. Inside their chamber rooms and towers, they are the ones casting the spells, releasing dark spirits into the world, and killing people. They are becoming corrupted by magic and power. They are opening doors that should never be opened and going places too horrible for any human to see.

They think themselves safe from harm.

Inside, they burn.

Let the story begin…